What's Up With That!
by Onionbreath002
Summary: Ever wonder about the descreptancies in RO? I do. Random observations while playing the game.


A/N Random observations while playing RO that kinda seemed funny to me.

* * *

Hello, my name is Herr Bob Swinezfelter Kiyoshi Chang, XIV, I'm glad you could join me. Ever hear of a place called Rune Midgard? Well, it's a place where adventurers like me can kill hapless and not so hapless monsters for personal gain so we can go to these castles and whack big gigantic stones with more success, for only 12 dollars a month. Fun isn't it? Well, I'm here to tell you all about my world and hope you'll gain a better understanding of it.

First of all, you enter our world as a novice and slowly build yourself up so that you may take on a first job and then eventually a second job, and if you're good…you can take on a transcendent job! I find it interesting however, that though these things are called "jobs," you never really get paid jack for doing it, instead resorting to selling loot, begging a merchant to sell your loot, OR, in the case of more "sophisticated" players, you can go on this thing called "ebay" and get massive amounts of zeny for the low low price of $22.99! It's a great bargain!

Erm, anyways, yeah, zeny making for the non-hardcore can be hard, but fear not, apparently, you never need to eat or sleep in this world so you don't need it! If you want equipment, you can just go hunt it yourself.

Of course, any decent weapons are only dropped by horrendously hard monsters as well as most decent armor. And the drop rates are so low; you'll probably never see one in your lifetime. But that's okay, nobody else has it either, 'cept for people with bots and zeny ebayers. But those people don't have a life outside of our world.

Speaking of bots, they're technically illegal, but then the lords of our worlds, also known as "GMs" are too busy counting their money and thinking up of gimmicks to make us pay more to stay in this world that they don't bother to deal with them.

Oh by the way, to stay in the world, you must pay 12 dollars a month. Or you can pay more to stay longer for a discount! How awesome is that! And since the experience you get here is so dismally low, you'll have paid enough money to match Bill Gate's fortune before you manage to become strong enough to kill boss monsters.

Oh and boss monsters are called MVPs. Why they're called MVPs is something that nobody will really know for sure. I mean, getting called an MVP for killing one makes sense…but calling the actual boss MVP is…yeah, out there. And for the record…MVPs themselves aren't dangerous. What really make them hard are their mobs of doom. You see, nine out of ten times, you'll die trying to kill an MVP because their mobs killed you, not because the actual MVP killed you. Now no disrespect to the MVPs, they are strong in comparison, but any decently high-leveled person can kill one easily without its mob.

Of course, killing monsters really becomes hard when Mistress Lag comes into play. Lag is the siren of our world, enticing adventurers both male and female alike, to completely stop what they're doing; to do things adventurers really don't intend to do; to render even the most experienced of adventurers into hapless idiots who bounce around and walk straight into giant mobs of death and stand there until dead. Mistress Lag however, is the savior of adventurers who are just plain old retarded. Since they can blame her for any misfortunes their actions bestow upon themselves and adventurers they party with.

As for the truly retarded adventurer, they are what we would call "n00bs." In short they're whiny, beggy, SoBs who do nothing but beg for zeny and items, whine when people don't tank them and overall ruin the experience of my world that you so generously paid to be in. The only redemption is that you know no matter how long they play, they will never…EVER be as good as you are.

Oh by the way, have you met my wife? Her name is /kawaii. I still don't know how to pronounce her name. But hey, it's better than her sister's who is !#(!$#$)(!#)-/-+. By the way, we paid over 4 million zeny to marry and gather all the stuff we need to marry. Isn't that fun? And it only took us four months to do it. That's only 48 dollars! Oh and while we were looking, we completely forgot about training! So that's 48 dollars NOT spent on becoming stronger! Yay!

But hey, at least I know my wife. Take my distant…acquaintance, Billy Bob. Billy Bob is socially awkward and about as handsome as Michael Jackson on a bad day. But since Billy Bob has no social life in your world, he pours his heart and soul into training six versions of himself in my world and becoming uber powerful! That way he can pimp six girls at the same time and they'll never find out! No?

Of course, his girlfriends wanted to take their relationship out of my world and into yours, thus asking for pictures. Poor Billy Bob…he's gone through fourteen wives already. But hey, look at it this way, he has yet to know the your world names of ANY of his wives.

Billy Bob however, is just an example of the absurdity in marriages in our world. Why, take Sukiya for example. She met a guy in my world and fell in love with him. Why they were even planning on marrying in your world. As of now, how much does she know about her supposed future husband? Well…he's a knight in my world…and…uhm… well… nothing else I guess. The saddest part of my story…she never saw the fall out coming. Oh and turned out that the guy she loved…yeah… twenty years older than her… his SON was old enough to marry her. Fun ain't it?

But moving away from such depressing topics, let me tell you about all the job classes we have. The basic ones are mage, archer, acolyte, merchant, thief and swordsman. Nobody really cares about them. The second jobs are what people really look at. Take me for example. I'm a Knight, but my counterpart is the Crusader. You know what's retarded? The powers that be saw fit to equip a knight with spear boomerang and two handed quicken while equipping my sader counterparts with shield boomerang and spear quicken. My question is…why? Just…WHY?

But I have it easy. My attack mostly focuses on my strength. Crusaders on the other hand, must decide which way to go, intelligence or strength. Sometimes in a quest to be balanced, my sader friends overbalance, resulting in shitty attack AND shitty magic attack. Like they say, jack-of-all-trades incompetent at all trades.

Archers are a rather interesting group. The main job they go to is hunter. Now, no disrespect, but many hunters are mentally retarded. Usually when there's a magic circle under a monster or someone like me is next to it slashing at it, that means someone's already attacking the monster. They claim to "not see" or "not know" and then proceed to steal your kill. Oh by the way, during guild raids, hunters are one of the cheapest classes EVER. They are just about the only class that doesn't get something disabled or weakened.

Good hunters, though rare, do exist. And they are courteous and rarely kill steal. They are very useful to have around when MVPing as they can hit from range and leech you. By the way, female hunters… why don't you just go naked? There's not much of a difference anyways.

The other class archer goes to is interesting. Males become bards while females become dancers. Bards are fun because they can randomly say random things. Plus they whack things with instruments. How awesome is that! Dancers are probably the least dressed adventurers on the planet. Honestly, there IS no difference between them now and them completely naked. They are hit on almost constantly, and sometimes… greasy men who have no hope of a love life in your world lie about their genders to obtain a dancer so that they may stare at the dancer sprite in my world. Pretty pathetic.

Priests are personally my best friends. They can heal and buff you so you don't die as often. Interestingly, the priests in my world never took a chastity vow…and priestesses are about the most popular girls ever. Why? I don't know. Maybe all guys dream about having sex with priestesses. Now they can finally do it. Interestingly enough, priestesses wear a dress with a slit down the side that reveal their…rather lacy underwear. Once again, so much for chastity vows.

Wizards are my close personal friends. I try to stay out of their way and keep them happy. Why you ask? Because wizards are the angriest adventurers out there. They will also cuss at anything and everything for seemingly no reason at times and try to Lord of Vermillion the entirety of Al De Baran. Oddly enough, nobody ever gets harmed by it. It's still a mystery that our scientists are trying to understand. Another interesting thing about wizards is their ability to cast at things that are on the other side of a monster four times the size of a building, yet they can't cast over a plotted plant on the ground. I really don't understand the concept, but the next time you want to stop a wizard, just carry a plotted plant and put it on the ground in front of you. Wizards for some reason can't cast over such debilitating obstacles such as those.

My last friends of note are Rogues and Assassins. Two different jobs, pretty much same meaning. I mean, rogues hide and use daggers to stab and kill using underhanded methods and Sins hide and use daggers to stab and kill using underhanded methods. One thing about Rogues and Sins though…they seem to panic when in the range of a sighting wizard. I dunno about you…but cloaking inside the boarder of a sighting wizard does not work. I mean, at least for Ruwach, they're becoming alert by taking damage, but honestly, I don't know why Sins just cloak when they KNOW they're going to be sighted.

Ahh, well those are my friends. Yeah, I didn't get to everyone, but some people just…aren't special. Or crippled. Whatever you choose. As for the Rune Midgard world, it's interesting how the economy works. I mean, you have only two corporations, one called Kafra which is probably run by some perverted old man, and another in Lighthalzen that does batshit crazy experiments. Plus the fact that the Kafra girls and the shop salesmen never seem to leave their posts…ever. Are they like robots ore something?

Speaking of shops, how are they getting their equipment? They have an unending supply of everything they sell when hunting one yourself is…well…impossibly hard. Do they have an invisible army that we don't know about? The only redemption is that their equipment is not slotted.

And what's up with cards anyways? How could a piece of hard paper with drawings on it, inserted into a slot on your equipment, add to your power? It really doesn't make sense. And if so, why don't people just manufacture them cards? I mean, just take a piece of paper and draw the animal on it. It just doesn't make sense.

Anyways, enough about that. If you're wondering about my name, well… it's like this. My world Midgard, is connected to what would be the ancient Norse in your world. Yet there are cities modeled after other modern day countries in your world like Japan and China and various European nations. So my name represents many nations represented in the names of the cities of Midgard. Although many people seem to think that the entirety of my world is modeled after Japan, so they attempt to speak Japanese, while completely eviscerating the language. I'm sorry, but I doubt real Japanese people feel the need to scream out "KAWAII DESU" or other shiz like that every other sentence. Wapanese is not a language, it doesn't make you sound cute, and it the hell doesn't make you sound cool…please don't insult the Japanese culture and PLEASE don't kill our ears. If you're truly Japanese, prove it by speaking pure Japanese, not some Wapanese crap like that. Because honestly…if you're spouting "KAWAII DESU" or "NANI! O.O" every three seconds, we KNOW you're not truly Japanese, just like the writer of this isn't truly Chinese…but at least he doesn't speak Chinglish.

Well, sorry if I've sounded rough, but things must be brought to light. And now I must bid all ye farewell. Thank you for joining me. And remember…Good acolytes go to job 50; bad acolytes eat poop.

* * *

Last comment courtesy of Legile Blade. 


End file.
